Dishonesty is detrimental for relationships. When people lie to one another, it might be because they're trying to protect the other person from getting hurt OR they might have their own selfish motives.
It's sometimes hard to determine the why behind the lie. At birth, people are innately honest, but it doesn't take long to learn how to lie. From little white lies to deep dark secrets, lies can change relationships forever.
If you think your spouse is lying to you, try these well-known tricks to help you figure out if your suspicions are correct.
Liars tend to leave out some critical details when it comes to storytelling. If someone were telling the truth, he or she might mention what the weather was like during that day or what time of the day it was. You can tell your spouse is lying if he or she leaves out these small, but truth-validating details.
2. They apologize for forgetting things
People who are telling the truth lived the experience they are trying to tell. Usually when they tell the story and retell it later the details are the same, and they do not apologize for not remembering any moments.
3. They contradict themselves
If he or she says one thing but says or does something to that completely contradictory, this is another sign of lying. For instance, your spouse could say he or she stopped at the gas station on 4th street on the way home. Perhaps they told you it only took 5 minutes to get there from the last location mentioned, but you know it takes longer than that.
4. They're vague with details
Vagueness to a story indicates lying because it requires too much work to concoct an entire, detail-specific scenario. Stories that are true tend to have a lot of details.
5. They think too hard
If you ask your spouse a question and he or she has a hard time answering or has to think about it for too long, then he or she is most likely lying to you.
When it comes to the truth, people have are pretty good at recalling what happened (from their perspective). Of course, people forget facts when telling the truth too, but it doesn't usually require thinking so hard that it makes you suspicious.
Be aware if they are acting nervous or tense. Usually, people telling the truth aren't as nervous because they don't have to make up a lie.
Those who are lying tend to be fidgety or anxious. Their heart races because they're nervous others will discover the lie.
7. They are defensive
Does your spouse become overly defensive when you gently confront them? It's natural to be defensive when you're accused of something, but if they are overly defensive and angry it might be a sign something is off.
People who lie attempt to turn blame on those who are accusing them of lying. This tactic is their way of removing themselves from the hot seat and making others feel guilty of suspecting them of lying.
9. They don't look you in the eyes
Body language reveals a load of messages. If your spouse has a hard time looking you in the eye, there is a good chance that he or she is lying to you. People who tell the truth can typically keep consistent eye contact. Someone who is lying may look around, at the floor or anywhere else due to fear of being exposed.
If lying is a consistent problem in your relationship, speak up and make tell your spouse how that makes you feel. If they're willing to listen and make changes, they might be able to prove that they want to make the relationship work. However, if they refuse and continue to exhibit these behaviors, you may want to consider seeking professional help.
As Financial Director and co-owner of Alpine Recovery Lodge, Amy is very involved in the finances and marketing operations. A graduate of Nevada State with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Administration, Amy also took Masters level math, finance and economics classes at UCSD. She is committed to the business end of daily operations and strives to use her knowledge of business processes to encourage the continued growth of Alpine Recovery Lodge. She works with insurance companies to get the most possible coverage available for the residents.